1.28.2013

1 | Despite being an only child and growing up with just my mum, we are the complete polar opposite of each other, in literally every way, shape and form from personality, humour to taste, morals, beliefs, everything! if it wasn't for all the birth & baby photographs I'd be certain I am adopted.

2 | My Granddad took me in my pram to work one day along the embankment and walked past Paul McCartney who commented on what a cute baby I was. Now much older and wiser I think the man's a complete moron but still, it's pretty cool.

3 | I'm terrified of speaking on the phone, I don't know why but I just really really hate it ! I've been with my boyfriend three years and probably called him about 5 times and I never answer my phone unless I have to. I'm even more terrified of voicemails, if someones left me a voicemail it will take me weeks to pluck up the courage to listen to it, usually by then my inbox has built up to so many unheard messages that they eventually delete themselves thank god !..

4 | I've never eaten a Burger, I hate everything about them, the look, the smell, the fact the bun has seeds on it! everything disgusts me. When I was younger there was nothing more distressing for me than a McDonalds party...

5 | I drink so much Pepsi Max that I probably contribute to about 5% of the entire companies sales...I have about 2 bottles or more every single day and have done so for about the past three years.

6 | Along with pepsi max, smoking, eating a lot of sweets and acidic foods I somehow still have perfect teeth, although I reckon I won't have any enamel left for much longer if I carry on touch wood as this is probably the only thing I have going for me....

7 | I hate animals and people who fuss over their pets. Like I just can not begin to understand why anyone would to spend so much time, love and money on a pet!  they smell, they have to be constantly taken care of, fed, walked, they're noisy and eventually going to die on you which people then get realllyyyy upset over, like in my head if a cat dies, then get a new one they all do the same thing how can you get so physically attached to something so pointless. I know everyones fucking cat crazy so hate me if you will but I don't know maybe I am actually heartless...

8 | My dad used to be Tom Cruise's cigar merchant (and the Spice Girls).....

9 | I can put both my feet behind my head, I reckon I'd be the shit at Yoga...

10 | I hate sleep, I think it's a waste of time, there are so many better things to do in the night and I will happily survive a full day on the bare minimum needed. If I moan I'm tired it's usually because I've just had a hectic day, I don't think I am ever genuinely tired.  I'm also a total morning person, I'm always up around 7 or 8 and waking up anything later then 10 completely freaks me out.

11 | Growing up I've gone from being a completely heartless/emotionless bitch to a total hopeless romantic. This is something I never thought I would be capable of! I was always too proud to ever show any feelings towards anyone, I thought if you never give a fuck about them then you could never get hurt. As for now, I guess Love is everything it's cracked up to be...

12 | I've had depression for about 6 years, some say it's not genetic but it runs in my family like the plague.  It's something that I'm continually learning to deal with, I've given up seeking help because I found you can't force happiness on someone who doesn't think they deserve it, it's become something that's difficult to live with but impossible to live without. The only thing I struggle to cope with is when people around me just dismiss it, those who just can't understand why you're like the way you are and demand an explanation, Nothing makes you more conscious of how mad you are then when someone asks what's wrong with you and you can't give an answer, because there's never a reason, I just think wanting to die has always been in me.

13 | My hands are always freezing cold, even in the hottest of temperature's they're somehow still cold,  I can't even imagine what normal temperature hands would feel like.

14 | After a night out when I was 15 I woke up with a joker card in my purse, I have no idea if I put it there, if someone else did or if it was given to me? I definitely do not remember there being anyone with a pack of cards at any point in the night either so where it came from has always been a complete mystery to me but I kept it in my purse for years with no idea where it came from, In five years of having handbags and purses stolen, it's somehow never left me, it's now tacked to my bedroom and is my most charmed possession.

15 | I faceless blog for a reason, Last summer I ended up with two chemical burns the size of two pound coins on my face, 7 months later, the scars are still pretty prominent and I have a feeling they're going to be there for life, I have tried EVERY healing product under the sun, including a perscription only £90 pigmentation cream but nothing seems to be fading them. If I'm honest they've ruined my life, I do not care how shallow it comes across but the fact that I will never, ever have a day where I feel comfortable in my own skin is horrible, they're on my fucking face for everyone to see, they've made me more paranoid than ever, I have zero confidence, I cry every time I get ready for a night out because I know no matter how much effort I put in I will always look hideous,  I don't even know why James is still with me but I just know someone better will eventually come along seeing as 99.98% of girls don't have horrendous facial marks, like I can't even let him see me when I first wake up because I don't want him to look at me and see the monster he's going out with. I'm also on Roacctutane which is a hell of a drug, I literally don't know what to do with myself anymore, please kids, never take good skin for granted .

16 | My great Aunt is my ultimate idol in life. When she first moved to Canada and purchased her first flat, she also bought every apartment on the floor so that she cold choose her neighbours. When she died she had already organised her own funeral from start to finish and bought the grave spaces around her own so that so she will never be buried next to any strangers. I only aspire to be as great as she was.

17 | As well as being a Leo, I am also an essex girl, Swedish, the daughter of the worlds second worst tempered father, who himself is the son of the first. Therfore, it is woven into every part of me to be so naturally aggressive and ill tempered.

18 | I remember reading the very first thing James wrote about me after we first met, well at least I think it was about me but that night is when I knew I was with the wrong person and now three years later it's still the best decision I ever made..

19 | Despite my family being pretty poor, I am incredibly grateful for how well travelled I am, considering I'm only 20 I've been to some amazing places including all around Europe, South America across, North America, Canada, the Caribbean, Africa, India, Thailand, the Philippines, I've only never really been to Russia, China, Japan or Australia, but when I'm done with my degree before I settle in a job I hope to go travelling for a while, especially around India and Thailand.  

20 | I used to scream in my sleep, thank god that stopped. 

22 comments:

  1. These facts were really honest and brave of you to put out there like this. I admire you for that. You're a stronger person than me.

    http://in-ternal.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Oh wow that's a really positive thing to say thank you ! I ve seen a ton of these on blogs and I just thought this was more interesting then "My favourite band is ... I love to bake lol etc etc'

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  2. love this. altho i'm positive if you met my bunny you'd love her. who wouldn't?! she's the light of my life <3 ;)

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    1. Hahaha see! it's funny how people are wired so differently!, like I don't mind being around pets because at the end of the day they're not mine and I'm not the one taking care of it so they're cute to look at! but having my own pet !, Never! hahah

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  3. oh gosh, it's crazy how many of these I relate to. 3, 7, 10, 11, 12; I can say about myself too. Did I add i'm also a leo?! aha amazing story about Paul McCartney by the way! I love your blog, and especially personal posts like this!! :-)

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    1. Oh wow that's crazy!, I neverrrrrrr met anyone who can relate to the phone thing, everyone seems to think I'm crazy
      in a way I'm sorry you can relate to 12 but it's comforting knowing I'm not the only one. Aw Thank you so much for even wasting your time reading it :) xxxxxxx

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    2. Answering the phone is seriously my biggest fear. I literally sit and watch the phone ringing thinking I should pick it up but I rarely ever do. Thought I was the only weirdo who felt like that lol

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  4. Its so refreshing to see someone being completely honest about personal things rather than just talking about their favourite material things or make up etc.
    I'm with you on the phone thing, if someone rings me, i turn my phone off!
    Georgia x

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  5. Don't like animals. Hate them. My stepdad hasn't got a dog because my mum and I threatened to poison any he got. I can not stand them. They just house germs. Eww.
    A few of these apply to me. People think I'm happy all the time? Not really.
    Phone calls? Lol. I dance to my ringtone all the time. I never pick calls. I just have a phone for portable internet.
    You really are brave for typing this. It takes a lot to let people know deep stuff about you.
    x

    A Blog by Oroma Roxella Rukevwe.

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  6. This was such a brave post to write and I admire you for it. It's good that you feel like you can be this open - it can only really be healthy for you! And it was interesting to read too (I hope you don't mind me saying so)
    By the way, your Aunt sounds like an amazing woman - she did some seriously smart things xx

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  7. Aww it sounds like you've had a quite tough life at times! :( You seem like such a lovely person!

    This is so weird + random (possibly creepy) but I saw you did Fashion Promo at UCA and I wondered which UCA because I did my foundation at UCA Epsom, and I had a peek at your facebook to see if it said there but then I saw we had a mutual friend! Whoever it is won't come up for me though which is weird, so I looked on "People you may know" to see if it came up there and almost everyone on it is fb friends with my boyfriend, such a small world!!

    (Ok writing that made me realise how weird I am for looking at someones facebook friends but I am always so fascinated when two people are connected somehow haha!!!)

    xxx

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  8. about your scars, I hope you will find your confidence one day. of course I haven't seen them, but you look beautiful in here, nothing can be so bad to make you look like a 'monster'. there are people who are seriously disadvantaged, but the way they behave and what you can they have inside is what makes them beautiful. it's only about you and your feeling, you have the best prerequisites...

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  9. Hello, I absolutely love your blog, you seem like a very interesting person also! I couldn't help but notice that you study Fashion Promo at UCA? I have an interview there at the beginning of Feb to do the same course but I didn't go to the open day so I'm unsure of what to expect? Haha is the course and University good? Sorry to be annoying!

    X X X

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  10. It's really nice that you've done a more personal post as opposed to your 'favourite foods' or 'worst habits'. I think a lot more people than you think at a young age suffer with things like depression and anxiety so your not alone in it and I think it's good that people are speaking out about it as well! I think your blog is amazing and I hope you gain the confidence to feel good about yourself because you really do seem like an awesome girl :) xx

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  11. Its awesome your writing more personal stuff on here, really appriciated and really helps relate.

    Beautiful blog!

    http://rosalindis.blogspot.com.es/

    xx

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  12. Ohhh this was such a wonderful post. I find that when people really open up (even strangers on their blogs) I instantly feel a connection to them. I don't know if that's weird?
    I had just been thinking of doing a '20 facts about me' tag on my blog but now everything I was going to say seems really insignificant.

    http://www.rafflesbizarre.blogspot.com

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  13. You have a beautiful way. This is only the second "facts" post that I've been entranced by for it's realness and gravity. Twelve is something that's been inside me for 11 years and has completely consumed my brain space lately (though something amazing has happened because of it). I wish you the absolute best of luck in finding a place of comfort in regard to your scars - I've had skin issue with my legs and since I was a teen I didn't expect to ever be ok with it but lately I've been able to let go of some of the embarrassment and pain I associated with it.

    xx Kat

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  14. This is so honest, I really appreciated it. I've seen a few young female bloggers post recently on mental illnesses, it's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one. It can be so isolating, I think it's so brave for you to write about it.

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  15. when I read your post must say that we got something in common. pepsi max. Roaccutane is definitely hell of a drug. Also with the marks you said you got you should try laser treatment. I used it on my scars and they disappeared almost perfectly. You may have tried it don't know but if you haven't give it a go.

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  16. Thanks for sharing this. I thought was beautiful simply because was honest. I understand number 12 because I've been feeling the same since I can remember. A bit of an outsider and someone with a dark shadow next to me, I'm the first who sees the negative in everything but also the one that sees the light too. Walking and doing creative things with my hands help a lot with my mood. The joker story is really cool you should def keep that with you :) Regarding your scarfs yyou can try laser. I also have a big red born mark in the left side of my face it looks like someone hit me. I have to say that has never really bother me, until now and I want to remove it with laser. Laser can help with your scarfs too you should check that if you haven't. I like you even more for this post ;) take care x

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